Cops Arrest Death for Graffiti

Today, two members of the NYPD have arrested a black-cloaked offender for vandalizing the wall of a Midtown Manhattan skyscraper. Upon dragging them to the police station, they discovered that the person was genderless and used the hood of the cloak to conceal a rather troubling lack of skin, meat, eyes or nose on an otherwise lively skull.

"We realized," officer Jobson says, "that this was not your ordinary criminal - I mean, most of the people we bring over have some identifying features and while I suppose that having a skull for a head is identifying, it's just... Troubling. What do you write in the 'skin colour' or 'eye colour' boxes, you know?" Upon being asked how he fared with this discovery, he answered after some consideration, "I've never seen a real skull before. It was odd."

His colleague, John Daffodil, says about his near-Death experience, "My old mum got quite a fright when she called me and I said I'd met Death. She thought I'd been shot or something. Anyway, a policeman does what a policeman must do. We caught them, now we're filing the case. I think I speak for all of the members of the NYPD when we say that we won't stand for the law to be breached, no matter by whom. We have a job and we're doing it, no matter what the costs or who the people involved are."

The arrest caused quite a bit of ruckus among those working in the police station at the time, considering the nature of the unusual suspect. Many members of the NYPD feel that there might be moral and ethical considerations involved in trying to figure out what to do with Death. Some have pointed out that Death, as a metaphysical person, can hardly be restrained and to do so would be to cause a global disaster. "Everybody would have to go vegetarian so we wouldn't eat live animals!" one concerned secretary pointed out. "I don't like the thought of that." Yet others have shown that the lack of death could be considered torture for those involved in deadly accidents or who are torn apart by sharks at sea. The debate on whether Death can be punished or not without grave consequences to the world continues. Of course, as somebody higher in the chain of command who wishes to remain anonymous points out, letting Death go would create a dangerous precedent. "Fine, let Death go," he says. "What next? Angels getting away with crimes? Demons? Sorcerers? Magicians, illusionists, fake Seers?"

This will probably prove to be one of the most problematic cases in law enforcement this year. Scholars of Religion and post-modernist philosophers have already alerted that they wish to have their say in the matter.

As for the culprit itself, Death told us in a hollow, reverberating voice: "I am sorry that I got caught. I never meant to cause anybody trouble. I did it because I felt a need to allign myself with current trends in human thought. Buddhist mandalas, which have been my preferred art form for hundreds of years due to their being destroyed upon completion, simply fail to express the contemporary situation we find ourselves in. Graffiti, too, is an art of impermanence - I did it for the art and for my own personal symbolism. I understand that they need to follow the law in finding a fitting punishment for me - you will of course realize that I am a stickler for the rules myself. Of course I will do what I can to atone for this, as long as it doesn't interfere with the Higher Law."